October 06, 2004

I'm going on a blogging sabbatical.
but before i do this, i have some things to say.

i've been through a lot this past few years. things that could have broken me have been thrown at me, but yet i remained. i take the punches, i hurt, i heal, i move on. the latter being the hardest thing to do. every experience leaves a mark, leaves a scar that will forever be a reminder of what once was. and after that, i'm never the same. i try to learn from my mistakes and hope that i end up smarter than i used to be. but it doesn't always end up that way.

i can't tell myself that everything is ok when it isn't. no matter how much i repeat that to myself, there's no fooling me when it comes to how i feel. sure, i'll put on a face and act the part of a happy person, and maybe I'll fool the people around me, those that do not know who I really am and what I'm really like. but i can't pull the same trick on myself. i'm not built that way.

so there i was, sitting at an elegant restaurant in maine, surrounded by good company, with a plate of foie gras and scallops and a glass of mojito in front of me. I turned to my right and said ‘give me a joke’. Steve, my good friend from work turns to me and said, without any hesitation, ‘a horse walks into a bar…’

Of all the jokes he could have picked, he had to pick that one.

none of the jokes steve tried that night worked on me. Not even the charms of a nice, quaint town like Portland, ME, can do the job. in the end of it all, maybe i’m just a tired person longing to find my comfort zone…

so, that's where i'm off. to find my comfort zone. so that i can be happy even when doing the right thing means being sad.

“Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad”

(Christina Rossetti)

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