April 09, 2004

This is what is to become of an emotional asshole.
You get attached. Easily. And when it is time to say goodbye, you find yourself in an absolute panic mode. As if someone pulled the plug on you. As if someone took the oxygen mask off of you, just for kicks, and you’re left gasping for air that you know will no longer be there.

That’s how I felt when I found out that one of my good friends is moving away. It took a good two minutes to sink in. I think it would have taken longer than that had we not been disconnected. But alas, cell phones are so reliable that as soon as the line went dead I was left alone with my thoughts. Selfish thoughts, I might add.

‘What the hell am I going to do now that he’s not going to be around???’

Mind you, I have tons of friends. Tons. And not like I’ve know him forever. Not even. But we have this bond, you know. It is not something I can explain. Once I joked that we were both in a sinking boat but I felt ok about that because at least I wasn’t going to drown by myself. I know I’m being ironic and I can’t really go into details but just know this – this move is definitely making me sad every day we get closer to that date. Its dreadful.

I guess I'll be the same mess if any of my other close friends decide they've had enough of this environment and move on to better things. So, you guys don't get any bold ideas otherwise I'll be a wreck! Besides, THERE IS NOTHING ELSE OUT THERE. Only monsters. Big, ugly creatures that you wouldn't want to deal with.

I sound like I’m losing a friend but in fact he’s only going to be a phone call away and about three hours drive. Not really that bad and I’m trying to tell myself this just to make myself feel ok. I’ll get over it. He probably doesn't really care. Plus, he’s probably going to be happy where he’s going. I’m sure he will be. He deserves it considering the hard year he just had. So I’ll be a pal and smile and wish him luck. And hope that I’ll hear from him once in awhile…

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