December 26, 2003


Life's lessons

I'm probably the most stubborn student of life. Sure, I learn from one experience to another but I seem to not be able to get a grasp of the important, life-changing ones. About this time last year I made one mistake. A year after, here I am making the same mistake. The only difference is, it's occuring earlier than it did last year. About a month earlier. *sigh* I don't know... and you don't need to know what it is but let me tell you that its probably out of desperation that I keep on making the same mistake over and over again.

I just find it ironic that I'm making the same mistake around the same time of the year. Has got something to do with this whole holiday spirit hoopla, pro'ly. Too much pressure is put on people around this time and I can't believe I even cave in to such feelings. I'm supposed to be numb to these things and its unfortunate that I find out waaaay too late in the game that I'm not as strong as I think I am. Normal misconception that humans make - their own tolerance for things.

I'm so gullible sometimes. I hate that about me. As much as I try to repel people, I still end up trusting ones I shouldn't. Too much trust put on people who don't deserve it. In the end I'm the one left crying, hurting, hating. Which explains why I've grown so bitter over the years.

But it doesn't matter now. Damage done, time to move on.

Anyway, the sun will still shine tomorrow. Things will remain the same. The only thing different is one person less trusting than the day before and another person probably feeling pretty good about themselves. After all, I walk away wounded (in more ways than one might imagine) and they walk away fulfilled. Such is life, right? If someone ends up winning, guess what - someone goes home a loser.

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